How To Interpret Firm Websites

One of the (many) ways we're supposed to figure out which firms to list for our interview bids is looking at the websites. On the one hand, duh! You always want to know what a potential employer says about itself. On the other hand, they all say they're fabulous places to work with fabulous people and fabulous clients. And we're supposed to get from this what?

Then it occurred to me: law firm websites are in code, exactly the same way real estate ads are. When you're house-hunting, "charming" means "not enough room to swing a cat." When a firm says it looks for "intelligence, creativity, energy, pride, and commitment" it wants the top of the class and will work them like galley slaves -- bottom level galley slaves at that. Does the firm expect "singular dedication" from you? Sweatshop!

See, not so hard. Feel free to suggest more translations.

Comments

[Jill]

"Flexible hours:" You'll work 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on a slow day.

"Competitive benefits:" We have the exact same benefits as other firms our size, because we have no choice. But you'll never be able to take the vacation anyway, so don't worry about it.

"Commitment to learning and development:" Once a quarter we'll put out some sandwiches with wilted lettuce and have someone talk about something that might or might not be relevant to your work. And then you'll have to stay even later in order to make up the time you lost.

"Team-oriented environment:" Everyone works like dogs, no matter what your level.

"Commitment to diversity:" we hire and promote white men of all shapes and sizes! {g}

Really, I could go on all day. Aren't you glad I have to go to a meeting?

[Citations]

So speaks the actual expert on such things.