Learning Something New

I'm in the midst of a massive editing job at the moment. I know, the Board turned over and I'm supposed to be done. Well not so fast--some jobs linger and I have a few projects to finish up and tie off with a pretty bow.

Part of this project includes reviewing someone else's work, who has left notes in the text explaining and commenting on various points. And I am continually astounded and aghast at the tone of the remarks. They are not just rude; they are snide, mean-spirited, almost shockingly disrespectful of the person's colleagues. Every time I come upon one that leaves me even more horrified than the one before, I ask myself if I have ever been so tone-deaf and cavalier about not only hurting someone else's feelings or deeply offending them, but ruining my own reputation with my peers.

Ironically, perhaps, I have complained to a few people about the quality of this work that I am dealing with--and now I wonder, searching my soul, if what I am condemning so harshly in this person is something I'm doing myself. I really, truly hope not. However angry and upset I am about the quality of the work I see, I never want to be the kind of careless, self-centered, cruel person I see coming through these comments.

I can be thoughtless, and quick-tempered. Being straightforward can turn into being too honest, into being harsh.

Someone I deeply respect told me, repeatedly, that a leopard doesn't change its spots. But I think we can, we must, have the capacity to improve ourselves. As I go through this job, regularly deleting the more inflammatory and outrageous remarks, I feel like I'm branding each one in my memory. Do not say this, do not convey this attitude. And I wonder, again, if I'm doing just that again without even realizing it or thinking about it.

So often I've said things I instantly regret, written things I wish I hadn't. I hope it's not a spot. I hope I can learn to bite my tongue, or have more confidence in my ability to be polite if not always kind. Because what I see here I absolutely do not want to be.

Comments

[Chris]

Your primary disposition would prevent the descent into the depths of verbal cruelty and spiteful spirit you see in the work you are editing. Your ability to be reflective and observant to the degree of analysis that highlights patterns of behavior also will stand you well. You do not suffer foolishness gladly, but more importantly, you do not want to be meanly critical.
The criticism you need to do is based on reason and is done for a beneficent reason.
I am proud of your care for other's feelings in response to your words. So many of us throw out verbal jabs (oral or written) carelessly, not heeding the destruction left in the wake.
You are not like that.

[LL]

I second Chris. The very instinct that leads to ask whether you are like that person makes it almost impossible that you could ever be.

And should your New City work all the empathy out of you and make you hard enough to come close to the colleague mentioned above, I will smack it out of you. As will, I imagine, your mother.

Not that I think you'll ever need it.

[Citations]

Thank you both. And, LL, I'll hold you to that promise!

[ckm]

Yes indeedy, LL. I would. And I hope it was not I who said the idiotic remark about spots etc.
Have changed mine off & on, and still do.