Frequent Citations

Sunny Friday Spies©

Edit: Never post while doing 6 million other things which make you forget to give credit where credit is due. Deep and humble apologies, BTQ.

1. What is the best thing about the city in which you live? What is the worst?

The weather. When the weather is beautiful, it is more beautiful than anywhere else on earth. The sun was shining a minute ago, and it was spectacular. On the other hand, there are about 330 days of spectacularly bad weather.

2. Describe an idea or invention of yours that you would like to see turned into reality.

Besides the Stupid-o-meter? Or the chocolate that makes you loose weight? I would like a machine that slaps me in the head every time I go to buy something I don't need, or that I need but don't have the money for, or that I have the money for but it's stupid. Actually, I wouldn't like it at all, but I think I need it.

3. Name an overrated author, musician, and movie. Name an underrated author, musician, and movie.

Overrated:

• Author - Earnest Hemmingway
• Musician - Yo Yo Ma
• Movie - Titanic. Come on, we know how the story ends.

Underrated:

• Author - Horace
• Musician - Code West
• Movie - Dead Again

4. If your life were a sitcom slated to air in the fall, what would the show be called? Who would you cast in the starring role? And for extra credit, give us a brief treatment of the show.

A sitcom about my life? It would be called Frequent Citations and would star a complete unknown. What do you think this blog is?

5. When is the fun supposed to start?

It already has, my dear, it already has.

Friday Spies© Would You Rather?

Once again, I have put myself through the torture of the bacon-loving BTQ Friday Spies questions.

1.  Live alone on a deserted island for 10 years or be paid to live at Neverland Ranch with the King of Pop for one year?

Um, be paid how much? Because that definitely makes a difference. I'm going to assume a nice round number, say $1 million. That's probably Mr. Jackson's pocket money for a week. So given that incentive, I'd have to stay at Neverland. There are three reasons for this:

1. The money. I'm shallow, remember? And I'm assuming I'd get paid a lot.
2. I'm not in Mr. Jackson's targeted/preferred demographic, so I wouldn't anticipate any attempted hanky panky.
3. Think of the endless opportunities to be snarky! Truly, a paradise of making fun.

Besides, how could I possibly go without TFL (and all his, um, glory) for 10 years?

2.  Be deaf or blind?

I hate this question. I could see someone offering me a million bucks to live at Neverland for a year -- they do weirder things on TV every day, or so I'm told. But who's going to put a gun to my head and say, "Your eyes or your ears?"

Having said that, and being darn near blind already, I would choose to keep my hearing.  My daughter is a pianist -- how could I give up hearing her play? My son writes -- he could read his stories to me. And I could still ride on the back of TFL's motorcycle.

3.  Have skin which changed color depending on your mood or visible sight lines?

By "visible sight lines," do you mean people can see what I'm looking at? And what colors would my skin change to? Not enough information!

It could be pretty cool to have skin color that changed with my mood. It would be bad at the poker table or in the classroom, but other than that it would probably be okay.  Not to mention, a good warning system.

No, man! Don't get close! That's the danger color!

or

Hey, looks like I could get lucky tonight!

4.  Spend a year in prison or a year on tour with Celine Dion and John Tesh?

Federal prison? Minimum security? Martha Stewart NOT my cell mate? Actually, I work with someone whose cousin has worked for Celine Dion for years. Apparently she is the best employer in the universe, completely awesome, and puts on a great show. But John Tesh? Kill me now. Now!

5.  Have threesome with your close friends or with total strangers?

Having done both, I would have to say I mean, I would never! (Hi Mum.) But if I were to have a threesome, I would go for the total strangers. Otherwise, I would always remember that so and so saw... never mind. Also: I don't personally know Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp or that Brazilian guy or...

Friday Spies©

Yay for Friday the 13th! My lucky day.

1. If you could change any element of your physical appearance, would you? If so, what would you change? If you could change any aspect of your personality would you?

If it weren't for the fact that I shudder at and despise the very thought of surgery, I'd consider getting a nose job. And have something done about my jawline while I'm at it. If I gain 2 ounces I start to get jowls, and I just don't think that's an attractive look.

As for my sparkling personality... I wish I were more sparkly, and more social. So I work on that. So yeah, I would change aspects of my personality if I could. I like to call it "growth."

2. Name a good make-out song (I believe the kids these days would call that "baby-making music").

How about "My Man?" Can't you hear Billie singing, "Oh my man I love him so, he'll never know, all my life is just despair, but I don't care..." No? Oh.

I'm not telling.

3. What did Britney say to Kevin when she found out she was pregnant? What was his response?

The obvious: "Whoops, I did it again!" (Giggle.)

Response: "Better get a double-wide."

Er, it wouldn't be as nice as yours, Mom L. His would have lime green shag, don't you think? And weeds. Of all kinds.


4. Did Oswald act alone?

Are you kidding? It was a party: the mafia, the Cubans, the aliens, Marilyn Monroe, the Pope, the communists, the anti-communists, alienated law students, law-review editors, who wasn't in on it?

5. (Obligatory Friday the 13th inspired question) Are you superstitious? Do you believe in luck, karma, fate, the supernatural, etc?

I don't know if I'm superstitious per se. To a certain extent I believe in the Greek concept of Fate, at least as far as the length of our life. Perhaps this is due to being driven around by MJM when I was a kid, and knowing my life could end any second. I take sensible precautions, such as wearing a helmet when I'm on a motorcycle, and then I don't worry about it. What happens, happens.

Lucky socks, four-leaf clovers, and rabbits feet don't mean much to me. I'm more superstitious in the I-don't-want-to-jinx-it way. I refused to say much about where I was applying to law school, at least until I knew I'd been accepted at one or two places. I won't talk much about my long term career plans. I'm always saying "if" instead of "when."

If I work my tail off and do everything required plus more, then I feel I might have a chance at what I want; but if I slack in the slightest I'm convinced I'll go down in flames. Sound familiar, JCA?

Friday Spies© Seis de Mayo

Con muchas gracias a Sr. Fitz-Hume:

1. What is a food you have tried but will never eat again, and what don't you like about it?

Eel. I had it at Nobu, so you know it was prepared well. Nevertheless, it was one of the most disgusting things I have ever tasted in my life, and I only had the nerve to try it because I'd had 2 cosmos. I highly recommend the cosmos at Nobu.

2. What are your five favorite possessions?

My wedding band.
My grandmother's PBK certificate.
My Liddell & Scott.
My children's art. (Ha! I cheated! Lots of stuff in this category.)
The contents of my lingerie drawer. Bonnie! (Our Triumph Bonneville motorcycle)

3. How do you deal with confrontation? Do you seek it out or do you avoid it? Are you more apt to be the confronter or the confronted?

Confrontation tends to make me shake, feel sick to my stomach, and want to lie down in a dark room. Nevertheless, I willingly seek it out when I feel it's necessary or when someone (such as those horrible phone company telemarketers) goes Too Far. I'm probably more apt to be the confronter, because I live on the run lead such a boring evasive moral and upright life.

4. What will Michael Jackson be doing five years from now?

Standing trial on pedophilia charges. Duh! Or recovering from surgery, or dangling one of his kids from a balcony... and wasting what was a tremendous talent.

5. What is the worst movie sequel ever made, what is the best sequel ever, and what movie should have had a sequel but didn't?

Hmm. Tough one. Worst sequel candidates would definitely include the second Indiana Jones movie, as Jill mentioned in my recent movie post, while the third IJ movie was one of the better sequels.  Best sequels might have to be The Two Towers and The Return of the King,  but they have to compete with The Return of the Pink Panther.

The movie that should have had a sequel? The Princess Bride. "Anybody want a peanut?"

Friday Spies©

Once again, courtesy of the fine people at BTQ:

1. What names did you consider for your blog?

It's original name was Your opinion? Overruled! Others under consideration were Penal Code, I Beg to Differ, What Rules? and I Say.

2. What is your favorite adult beverage and why?

Vodka, because there is an excellent song I sing about it. It's smooooove and it doesn't kill me the way tequila does. Tequila is evil in a bad way.  After many years of effort TFL finally taught me to appreciate some beers, but most of them give me a stomach ache. Stouts are good though, especially the ones with chocolate. Mmmm. 

3. If you could cancel 3 televisions shows, what would they be?

Er... Daytime television. All of it. The few times I've been trapped in a waiting room with Oprah or a soap opera on -- the agony was worse than having burning needles poked in my eye. Truly, it's wretched stuff.  No wonder people think our civilization is in rapid decline: Tom DeLay, daytime television,  Kenny G.  Oh, sorry, off topic.

4. You've been asked to host SNL. Which cast would you choose to work with, and who would you choose as the musical guest?

BTQ's answer is hard to beat: "... Steve Martin, Bill Murray, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Dana Carvey, Mike Meyers, Phil Hartman..." -- all must-haves. I could do without Chris Farley, and I would add Jon Lovitz as well as Kevin Nealon.  Musical guest: my own band, Code West! Or else I would settle for David Bowie or maybe the Rolling Stones or -- no, wait! This band for sure.

5. What will Britney Spears name her baby and which three names will
she consider and reject before settling on the "winner"?

Perhaps she will ultimately settle on "Shake" and burden the baby with her own maiden name. This would be completely accidental on her part, I'm sure.  I confess to not following the train wreck that is her life too closely, so I'm feeling a bit at sea.  Therefore I did what I always do, and turned to Google for help. Bertha, Hogatha, and Tallulah Sue will all be rejected. Too bad, I sort of like Tallulah.